Stage #1 "Forming"

As you begin the relationship with your mentee, the first stage you will most likely enter is the Forming stage.  This stage will last anywhere from 2 weeks to 4 months depending on different variables in the relationship (attitude, trust, availability, etc).  This stage is where you will be come acquainted with each other, and set guidlines for your time together.  Here either the mentee, the mentor, or both will be excited about the new relationship.  There is a possibility that the "Newness" can pass very quickly so don't let your guard down.

Here are some tips and suggested activities for you to do with your mentee during the Forming Stage:

• Sit with your mentee and decide how you will be spending your time together.  There needs to be a little structure, yet leave some room for flexibility.  There will be some days when your mentee will not feel like talking and some when you won't be able to get a word in.  C2E reccommends that 15 minutes of your time together should be spent having the mentee read something to you.  It can be a passage from a favorite book, or something your mentee wrote themselves.

• Separate your own goals for the relationship from your mentee's goals...in other words:  leave your personal agenda at the door.  We've all been letdown by un-realistic expectations, and this development can be detrimental to a mentor/mentee relationship.  Pushing your own agenda (no matter how good the intentions are) can come across to the mentee as though you aren't listening causing a breakdown and for the relationship to be fruitless.

• Do what you say you are going to do...be committed!  The Forming Stage is all about trust building which is impossible to do if you are not following through.  Make sure you show up when you say you will, where you say you will, and even call the school ahead of time to confirm that you will be there.  You have to earn the right to be trusted by your mentee and even the little committments make a big difference. 

• Do not focus on the negative aspects of your mentee's life - This is not the time.  The forming stage is about entering in your mentee's world, and that means LISTENING.  If a negative aspect of your mentee's life is brought up in a conversation during the forming stage, listen and rely on the training you've  received from C2E. 

• Understand that the relationship between you and your mentee may be fairly one-sided for sometime.  It is your responsibility as the mentor to keep the relationship alive.  Even when you're getting nothing from your mentee, don't push things.  Just being there is making a difference, and sometimes it will be difficult to stay patient when you don't see results.  A good conversation facilitator is simply playing a game.

At anytime during the encourager/mentor process you feel overwhelmed, remember that C2E is here to help!  Contact Carolyn Greer at 501.730.0205 or CLICK HERE to email her.